I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
