I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
