Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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