so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
