why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
