Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
