dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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