dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
