I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
babies were throwing up all over the place
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
oh god was she eating orange peels again
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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