I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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