oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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