I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
