i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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