It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
