birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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