so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
