I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
