Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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