Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ugly people sure do ruin things
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
