Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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