Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
