Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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