Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
