my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
