I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
