i think i have herpe
just one?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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