he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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