sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
