First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
