Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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