JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
