he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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