i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
