every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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