WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
why didn't you poke me back
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
