perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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