Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
