i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
