I didn't shave. On purpose
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You're like the curious george of whores
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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