So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
