I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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