$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
