Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
