I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
