woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
