Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
