Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
