Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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