i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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