my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Actions speak louder than pants.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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