I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
