It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
