HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
