I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
its liver damage thursday
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize