I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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