If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
