final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize