She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can't turn off my feet"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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