I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
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It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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