Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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