highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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